


Again, spring arrives

by taifxng



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Gen, hella implications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-09-25 23:17:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9851258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taifxng/pseuds/taifxng
Summary: As Mari mused one time, “It’s like we didn’t even exist.”





	1. Fleeting

Kanan never really understood Mari’s English, but she was soothed by it nonetheless. Whenever Mari could sneak out of her home in Numazu, they’d take a secret path that cut through the forests and find themselves in a small field that had an expansive view of the sky. At night, Kanan loved to lie together with Mari and stargaze. She’d remain quiet as her companion listed out the constellations in that amusing voice of hers.

 

“There, Kanan… _Orion_ ! Beautiful, isn’t it? It can never appear at the same time as _Scorpius_. Isn’t that weird?” she’d say with a sing-song laugh. Kanan would nod in reply and they’d continue with the one-sided conversation until one of them would decide that they needed to head home before their families suspected anything. Under the starlight, the girls would brush away the grass prints on their clothes and leave. The traces of their presence in the field were almost nonexistent save for the occasional, small dents where they treaded. They made sure to be as discreet as possible. As Mari mused one time, “It’s like we didn’t even exist.”

 

That was a talent of hers. Mari had a knack to make things seem good even though they weren’t. Even when Kanan showed that stubborn side of hers, Mari always found a way to break through the mental walls she set up. Gently, she would grasp Kanan’s hands and look up at her with bright eyes. Their faces would be inches apart and all Kanan wanted to do was scoot back.

 

“We’re in a public place,” she’d say, using her “I’m more responsible than you” voice.

 

Of course, it’d be no use against Mari. “No one comes here. Don’t you want to? And don’t lie to me, I can see it in your eyes.”

 

And Kanan would feel her heart tugging like a wave influenced by the moon’s power. Yes, she did want to. She wanted to more than anything because they weren’t friends even though everybody else believed that stupid lie. They were special. They fit together so easily and Mari made it oh so obvious. Every moment they had with each other, she’d slip in comments that made Kanan’s heart quicken though she’d never admit it. Persistently, Mari chipped at Kanan.

 

“Always, with love,” she’d add, squeezing Kanan’s hand.

 

Those wonderful moments seemed like they would continue until graduation, and that in itself seemed like a far away concept. _It’s better to focus on the present,_ Kanan would remind herself. She had so much to do with Mari and her friends, so many items to check off of her bucket list. Worrying about the future was left for future her.

 

At least, that was what Kanan thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it goes downhill from here


	2. In A Fog

Now, those days filled with innocent fun baffled Kanan. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t remember the sensation of the grass underneath her or the coolness of the sky at night. Even when she gazed out of her window and saw the constellations, it wasn’t the same. They’d lost their shine somehow in the midst of time passing. The night was dull, veiled by something. Mari would have an answer in times like these. A witty remark, definitely.

 

Kanan curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her knees. The window in her bedroom was latched and two layers of blankets covered her body, but she still felt cold. The sensation bit at her. She could feel pricks of pain shooting up her legs, and knew that it was time to go. Escape. Flinging the covers off, Kanan dressed as fast as she could. The pricks were getting stronger, almost as if they were eating away at her flesh instead of just being passing sensations. If she stayed any longer, she definitely wouldn’t be able to head to school in good condition. The faces of her classmates flashed in her mind. Their kind, but pitying smiles bothered her to no end. Hiding emotions was supposed to be one of her best skills, but Kanan guessed she was slipping in that department. Lately, that's all she had been doing. Slipping. Grades, manners, running times, you name it. Everything in her life seemed to be imbalanced, but no matter how hard she tried to fix it, it just kept on falling apart. Like the broken boats that docked at the bay, stopping up one hole would just lead to another.

 

With deft motions, Kanan tied her hair in that signature ponytail of hers, and headed out quietly so as not to wake up her grandpa. He would raise a fuss if he found out. Recently, he had been extremely attentive. Anything Kanan did that seemed slightly suspicious would garner a stern lecture from him. She knew that her grandfather had good intentions but she just wasn’t ready to face it yet. Even now, her circumstances seemed so alien. All Kanan wanted to do was _run._ Run away from the problems, the concerned expressions of her classmates, and most of all, her own fears of inadequacy. Before it destroyed her, before it caught up, Kanan needed to go.

 

The door clicked softly behind her. Instinctively, her feet picked up and set the pace for her morning jog. Scenery passed by. She listed them off as she ran. The names came easily; she had been using this route for years. Few people were awake at this hour, but for once in this sleepy town, Kanan saw something strange. A figure stood ahead at the end of the street. Poised, and seemingly stoic, that person was recognized by Kanan instantly. She slowed her jog to a speed walk.

 

“What are you doing here at this hour?” said Kanan. She had meant for the question to come off as light-hearted, but instead, her tone made it seem accusatory. Kanan mentally cursed herself. This was not going off to a good start. A cool breeze curled around them. Hopefully, her friend wouldn’t notice her rising blush or if she did, pass it off as an effect of exercising.

 

“I could say the same for you. Isn’t your usual jog around five or six? It’s barely four right now.”

 

Kanan shrugged, almost nonchalant. She was trying hard act to act oblivious. So what if it was barely four? Can’t a girl run in peace? Forcing a lopsided smile, she said, “Just felt like doing it a little earlier, that’s all. But I’ve never seen _you_ get up this early. What’s the occasion, Dia?”

 

The black-haired girl brushed a stray strand of hair from her shoulder. Kanan could almost see the gears in Dia’s hand moving. Every one of her motions was precise, calculated for a certain goal. She wished that she had that kind of confidence. More than anything, Kanan wanted to be unwavering. A beat of silence passed between them before Dia replied, “I thought we should go to her.”

 

Kanan’s expression faltered. In the time she got to know Dia, she had come to find out that her friend didn’t pull any punches. She admired that part of her. Sometimes, it was necessary to speak the truth in its entirety. However, at that moment, all Kanan wanted to do was resume her exercise. “Sorry. Now’s not a good time,” she managed to say with a half-hearted smile. The pain was creeping back up her legs, ready to grip her soon if she didn’t run.

 

Now Dia was suspicious. She raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Kanan, I believe that it’s best that we do this now or else-”

 

Before the black-haired girl could even finish her sentence, Kanan was already heading off. Her body was flying, cutting through the morning fog that drifted through the town. Her voice trailed after like a wisp, replying to Dia, “Sorry, I really can’t right now, Dia. I have to go!”

 

Her friend could only gaze at her disappearing form, thoroughly bewildered but also afraid. Dia wasn’t athletic enough to chase after Kanan nor close enough to know what to say to her in times of distress. Pursing her lips, Dia tried to rethink her situation. She was sure that Kanan would be willing to go with her. It had been eight months… two hundred and forty days (she had kept marking her calendar since the incident)! Surely, her friend had recovered or was starting to. If anything, Dia trusted in Kanan’s strength, but now… now that she was avoiding the situation like this, Dia wasn’t so sure. Sighing softly, the girl turned her back on the way her friend had run. The path ahead of her was marred by fog, but Dia couldn’t put it off anymore.

 

 _She would know what to say in times like these._ But Dia couldn’t say her name, not yet.

  



	3. Coming To Terms

Kanan never thought she’d be without her at a time like this. Her classmates were all in an uproar, giving each other bear hugs and somehow crying in unison. A banner for their year hung proudly from the school walls with fake flowers decorating the edges. Kanan remembered that a committee had worked hard to attach the decorations to the fabric and had even gotten a person from the calligraphy club to write the message. The words certainly stood out. In deliberately careful strokes, it read “Graduation ceremony for Uranohoshi Girls' High School class of…” Kanan didn’t bother to read the rest. She held her diploma in her hand, squeezing it for comfort.

 

 _Time didn’t wait for you, huh?_ It hurt to admit it, but it was true. What was supposed to be a far away concept rushed by before she knew it. The items on her bucket list were still left unchecked, and now, it was time to decide what her future was going to be like. What job did she want? What kind of person would she turn out to be? But more importantly, what was the point of it all? Kanan absently looked up at the sky. It was a perfect day. Picturesque white clouds floated against a blue backdrop, but to Kanan, it just wasn’t right. Before her thoughts could wander to darker territory, she felt a light tap on the shoulder. Dia stood behind her with a concerned expression on her face. “Are you alright, Kanan?” she asked softly so as not to worry the other classmates. They didn’t need to be dragged into this.

 

“Ah, yeah. Sorry, was I looking really serious?” She put a hand on the back of her neck, making an embarrassed gesture. Her eyes swept over the crowd briefly. Her classmates weren’t looking over in her direction, thank goodness.

 

“Just a bit.” Dia smiled in relief. “I was wondering if you’d care to take a picture with me, for commemorative purposes of course.” She held up a small, old-fashioned camera to further emphasize her request.

 

Kanan couldn’t help but laugh quietly. She desperately needed a distraction. “How could I refuse?” said the blue-haired girl as she looped an arm around Dia. “Where should we take it?”

 

“Well, can you promise me that you won’t be mad?”

 

Kanan raised an eyebrow. “I promise, I guess? Is this place dangerous, Dia? Are you leading me somewhere weird?” she asked in a teasing tone.

 

“No, no. I was just thinking…” Her emerald eyes gazed down at the camera.

 

“What?”

 

Dia hesitated, but continued, “Could we take it at the harbor?”

 

They stood still for a few seconds. Dia couldn’t bring herself to look up and read Kanan’s expression. While everyone else was busy celebrating finishing high school, the two were huddled together with a terrible secret. The knowledge that was passed off as a rumor by their classmates, but that which they knew better. They knew better than to believe in the false hopes of adults.

 

_Because she never came back._

 

“Yeah, let’s go," Kanan finally said. "But I want to make one thing clear.”

 

“Yes?” Tentatively, her friend raised her head. Although she tried to hide it, Dia was clearly hopeful. 

 

“If I cry, it’s because we’re graduating. It’s not because of that.”

 

“I know, Kanan." A small smile graced the black-haired girl's face. "I know.”

 

They headed off to the harbor.


	4. Memento

The wooden planks creaked underneath their feet. If it wasn’t for the sunny day, Kanan and Dia would have looked like they were off to war with their serious expressions. They steadily made their way to the end of the harbor. Seagulls resting on the dock pillars stared. The two girls ignored them. They had a goal to fulfill. Once they made it to the edge, Kanan turned to her friend and asked, “Your camera has a self-timer right?” to which Dia nodded in reply. They stood together for a few seconds while Dia prepared the device for a picture. Kanan’s eyes wandered around the docks and the beach, taking in the scenery half-heartedly. The waves rolled along serenely and some boats could be seen in the distance, heading to an unknown destination. The area was largely deserted since most people in this small town were focused on the graduation party back at school. Kanan vaguely thought about how Chika and her friends must have been looking for her. Despite being younger, the orange-haired girl could be responsible when the situation called for it.

 

“Kanan, are you ready?” said Dia, bringing Kanan back to their present situation.

 

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

 

The black-haired girl set down her small, antique camera and as they scrambled to pose, it flashed. A moment preserved… but for whom?

 

Kanan couldn’t answer.

 

* * *

“I’m off!”

 

Kanan and Dia stood together, folding their arms in a synchronized stance that made Mari suspicious. Did they plan this beforehand?

 

“Aren’t you going to say anything? I won’t be coming back for awhile you know~” she drawled with a slight pout. Her arms leaned against her suitcase. She had sent in a request to get the limited edition one that was especially shiny. As it rolled slightly, the sides glinted, causing Kanan and Dia to squint as the light hit their eyes.

 

“I was about to, but that light’s distracting,” Kanan remarked. Dia stifled a laugh.

 

“Hey, hey~! That’s not really nice! This is my precious _baby_. I had it custom sent.”

 

“I think you should have it custom returned,” quipped Dia. Kanan extended a hand to her friend’s side which Dia high-fived.

 

Mari pouted. "You two are so mean! Hmph, I won’t be coming back if you’re going to be like this." 

 

"Now, now..." Kanan stepped forward to mediate. Her hand brushed against Mari’s, before settling on the suitcase’s handle. “You know we don’t mean it. You’re just fun to tease.” Dia nodded in approval, smiling softly.

 

Mari couldn’t help but put down her facade of being mad. She sighed. “Really, you two…”

 

“We know.” With ease, Kanan pulled Mari into a hug. She could feel the blonde girl’s cheeks redden, and if it wasn’t for the warm sensation, she would have pulled back to look at her expression. Before she had to leave, Kanan wanted to imprint a lasting image of her girlfriend in her mind. “Here’s an early gift for your send-away. Have a safe trip."

 

The couple pulled back, so Dia could have a chance to hug Mari as well. They exchanged a brief, but equally warm embrace. Before Dia could let go, Mari pressed a soft, chaste kiss against the black-haired girl’s cheek. Usually, the gesture would fluster her, but today, she wished the sensation could continue on forever. “We are going to miss you greatly, Mari,” Dia murmured. Her eyes shone with tears, and Mari wanted to say that they looked beautiful, but a heavy feeling was caught in her throat.

 

“I have to go,” she managed to say, wiping at her eyes. “The boat takes a while, and once we get to the city, it’s the airport from there.”

 

Kanan and Dia exchanged a look, before saying in unison,

 

“Be safe.”

 

Mari was already heading off to the harbor. Her white dress billowed about her, making her look like some stray boat that had been left to sail. Leaning back so she could give them one last wink, she replied,

 

“Of course~!”

 


	5. Together Again

Her grave was kept clean. By who, Kanan didn’t know. She had thought their place was a secret, but maybe some kid found it. A small rock acted as the tombstone. Nothing was written on it. A few small flowers budded around its corners. Her actual body was somewhere else, but Kanan and Dia understood that her real home was here in the field. They sat on the grass, looking at the stone. If anyone saw them, they would have probably been creeped out. Two grown women staring at a rock, wasn’t that a riot? Or perhaps sad, depending on the perspective. Either way, they were here now.  

 

“How long has it been?” asked one of them.

 

“Eight years?” replied the other.

 

“Mm.”

 

“This place has changed.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Kanan pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them. “I never thought this town would finally get a McDonald’s. Isn’t that weird?”

 

“Yes, quite. They even have machine kiosks inside.”

 

“You went in?”

 

“Didn’t you?” Dia replied, a little incredulous. Usually, Kanan would be more willing to try new things out.

 

“I passed by. Didn’t have time. How was it?”

 

“Nothing special. It’s just more technology.”

 

“Ah.”

 

The squall of seagulls could be heard in the distance. Kanan and Dia let the sound fill in the gap of conversation. It felt like they were kids again, unsure of how to go about things. Neither wanted to bring up the real topic at hand even though _she_ was right there, waiting like she always did. She had stayed here in this sleepy town while they had lived out their lives. Dia had become a successful doctor that also taught traditional Japanese dancing on the side. Her friends and family all knew her to be the pinnacle of a lady and a scholar. Kanan meanwhile found her calling at a huge aquarium that regularly searched for new marine animals. Despite being one of the older members, she beat everyone at diving and even won local competitions. Still, those accomplishments meant nothing in the face of the stone. The pair were very much aware of that.

 

Dia bowed her head. A strand of hair fell across her face, but she didn’t bother to brush it away.

 

“Kanan?”

 

“Yeah?” said the blue-haired woman as she picked at some blades of grass distractedly.

 

“It was not your fault.”

 

Their eyes caught for a second before Kanan rested her head on her knees. Her hand continued to pluck up grass absently. “...I know. She was abroad. How could I have saved her? There was no way. I know.”

 

Dia nodded. “It was an accident.”

 

“Yeah. You’re right.”

 

 _After all, you’re Dia. You’re always right_ , Kanan wanted to say, but she refrained from voicing her thoughts aloud. It would only steer the conversation away from what they really wanted to discuss.

 

“Kanan, do you think it would have worked out? Would we have been idols if she’d come back?”

 

“Who knows…? Maybe. Maybe we’d be really successful and be on the top of the charts right now.”

 

“Perhaps. What would our hit be?”

 

Kanan smiled. The sun shone, warming her cheeks.

 

“Always, with love.”

 

And something about the title moved her deeply. She suddenly remembered how the night breeze felt as it drifted through the small field and the tickling sensation of Mari's lips on her neck. The way the stars glinted off of the dark sky appeared in her mind so vividly that she could almost see it even though it was daytime. Kanan was coming alive again. Softly, she started to hum an old song. Her singing was shaky, and mostly off-key. She hadn’t practiced at all since their high school days. Even so, she felt that this was the right time for music. Dia joined in shortly after. Their melody melded well and soon steadied, becoming the sound they had always sought after. In their minds, the two women reminisced over the afternoons they had spent rehearsing, the stages they performed their hearts out on, and the handful of people that had listened to them. Of course this time, Kanan and Dia only sang for one person.

 

They hoped she could hear them.  

 


End file.
